America-Losing Its Collective DAYUM Mind

Maybe because I am in the midst of reading a book that blasts our country’s long standing fascination of wanting more, more, MORE. Or maybe because I have been watching a wee bit more television than I normally do. Maybe because I am fortunate (bleh) enough to work in the mortgage industry at a time when its basically imploding in on itself...but one thing is almost certain-America has lost it’s daggone mind. Collectively.

First lets talk about greed and entitlement. Everyday at work, I go through file after file of people on the verge of foreclosure. A lot of the cases I come across, the homeowners have LIGIT reasons for falling behind. Medical expenses. Divorce. Job loss. These are all life changing issues and are very valid reasons to fall behind on anything. Alas, they are not the MAJORITY of what I personally see. When I get a file asking my bank to take a $100,000 loss just because you saw "Flip that House" and fraudulently purchased three investment homes and didnt make good on your payments, I just want to chunk the whole mess in the garbage. Or when I do get an approval for you to sell your house for $200,000 LESS than what you owe, provided you PARTICIPATE in the loss and sign an interest-free promissory note for 5 years at FIFTY bucks a month, and you whine???!!! Orrrrrrrr...you refuse to sign any paperwork because you are afraid that the bank may come after you in the future for DEBT YOU OWE. You’ve lost your damn mind, Mr./Mrs. American homeowner.

Which brings me to television. Usually, what is on t.v. is usually a good barometer for what the country is going to, or feeling, or what have you. The other evening, I had the misfortune of having some show called "To Tell the Truth" or some b.s. like that. The premise is that you are hooked to a lie detector, and are asked progressively personal questions, and the more questions you get right, the more money you win. Bleh. Well, this particular episode was an update episode, telling us what happened with some of the big winners from previous shows. One guy had won a bunch of money, but the questions he answered and told the truth on ripped his marriage apart and divided his family. Oh, and his freshly exed-wife just found out she has cancer. But he’s $100,000 richer! (the announcer quickly slid in the cancer fact but emphasized the money part). Another update had a dude who admitted to sleeping with 100’s of women, getting paid for sex, and keeping a spreadsheet of all his conquests. His update-his girlfriend left him, and he has a perfect storm of venereal diseases. (just kidding about the last part). But the way this was presented was weird and tacky. The network is putting on this freakshow for ratings of course, and these idiots do it for money. All for our "entertainment".

There was another show that came on tonight-"My Dad is Better than Yours" or some bullsheet like that. I didnt even click to see what this was about. Hot percalatin’ MESS. And then, every reality show is about someone getting voted off; from Survivor to this show I caught on VH-1 with showbiz kids and their moms. Imagine being told you are not good enough to continue on to round two by the host Danny Bonaduce. DANNY. BONADUCE. It’s like America’s new mantra is "tell me I’m not good enough-by a cracked out, alcoholic, divorced 1970’s child star has-been." Yikes.

Perhaps the possible upcoming "pending" recession will snap this country back into reality. Coming off a high-flying decade may make us as a society step back and look at ourselves, and re-evaluate. Maybe people will stop buying more house than they can afford. Maybe they will lose the sense of entitlement that has spread like some funky green fungus on the forest floor (HA! An alliteration....).Maybe most (because you know not ALL) of the reaaaaaallly lame reality tv shows will go to that great programming graveyard in the sky.

There’s more of course, but ranting on everything that I am noticiing/reading is just too much. I dated a girl from the Bahamas who couldn’t take it anymore; she only lasted a few years here before she went screaming back home, saying that America was just too backwards for her. Sometimes I wonder if I should look her up and see if her and her husband have a spare room...or stock up on the North Face gear and take it back to Saskatoon....

 

 

 

Revel in Revelations

People, people, people. Just like that old cliché, women-can't live with the, can't live without them. You love them or you hate them. They can give you energy as much they can suck the life out of you.

I think this is quite funny and ironic, as some friends were telling me about one friend that showed a completely different side of themselves; so much so that they have decided to not have any more contact with this particular friend. I was kind of saddened by hearing this, and maybe though that it was bit cruel, BUT sometimes people take it there, and this is the only way to deal with them. People's true selves are revealed for a reason (you can thank that little angel that sits on your shoulder). Their actions tell you EXACTLY how to deal with them, and you move on….

 

So fast forward a few weeks or so from me listening how this one friend is neva, EVA going to be looked at the same again. I have my own little similar snafu. Unfortunately, being the road warrior that I am, I had acquired a small rock chip on my windshield from road tripping that blossomed into a full grown crack spreading aaaaaaaalllllllllllll the way across my windshield. Knowing Beamey likes to look her best, I finally decided to get it replaced. Again. (I have had this car for two years, and have now replaced the windshield twice). Anywho, long story short-I ask a friend to pick me up from the body shop and give me a lift to work since it is relatively close to his home. He gladly obliged without hesitation. Yeah, good friend….revealed!

 

Later that morning, I call to get status on the installation, and the shop says that it should be done and ready to go by 1pm, which is good, but then bad, because I have to ask for another favor. I am not going to ask my friend that picked me up initially because his favor is done; time to spread the wealth. So I ask another coworker if they can kindly give me a lift during lunch so I can get my car and come back to work. I emphasized that I wanted to get it done early due to a) the traffic in the area where the shop is horrendous at 5 o'clock, and b) the weather was slated to be pretty stank later in the day, so I wanted to be as considerate as possible-to not subject anyone to being stuck in rush hour traffic in bad weather. Of course, I would offer gas money or lunch or whatever.

 

First of all, this person asked me if I asked anyone else first; which is a pet peeve of mine. Don't worry about who I have asked; I am asking YOU! Secondly, they told me flat out-"I am not going anywhere for lunch". So no favor. Fine, I asked someone else, and they offered to leave work a little early to make sure I got to the shop before it closed. Yaaay-another great, unselfish person…. revealed!

 

Now, the kicker to this is the same person who denied my request for favor (ahahahahaha-sounds so formal) asked me for a substantial amount of money a few months back. I am not talking about hundreds of dollars, but it was enough to where my eyes bucked a little upon their initial request. Enough to where I would need to go to the ATM, as I don't carry that amount of money on hand. Did I ask what it was needed for? Nope. I figured, if they are coming to me to borrow that amount, they must really need it. At any rate, they ended up not needing the money after all. But I remember I was quite insistent on making sure they still needed the money that day or not. Because I'm NICE that way hehehehehe. But yeah, boooooo-a jerkwad…. revealed! Ahahahaha.

 

Thinking back now, it is true how actions speak waaaaaaaaaaaaay louder than words. Speaking may not even be an appropriate-enough adjective, its more like actions scream, yell, SHOUT louder than words. So if something like this is revealed to you, be it about a job, friend, whatever; don't get irritated or mad (okay, you can at first, but only briefly)-just be thankful that whatever the issue is has been revealed to you, and you can stop wasting energy on it and move on; or quickly alter your dealings with the irritant. As Martha Stewart would say, "It's a good thing!"

BET-You had me....then you lost me.

For some reason, when I woke up this morning and turned on the t.v., it was set on BET.  Now anymore, I don't even watch BET, as it's programming now has become from what I have experienced lately a poor, darker version of MTV.  Hell Date (akin to Next or any other MTV dating show?). College Hill (a direct rip off the now-lame The Real World)? All they need is a show called Shaker Heights to rip off Laguna Beach or The Hills or whatever the heck the PYWPWP's show is at the moment (if you can figure out that acronym, I will give you $100 CASH!). Unfortunately, Shaker Heights is the only affluent black suburb I can think of to compare.  I know there is more, but I digress....

The point being is that I don't know how my t.v. landed on this channel.

 Bleh. Anywho, perhaps the black universe wanted me to "come back home", as I had spent the previous night in a country bar where I was the ONLY black there, and a sushi restaurant where outside me and my cousin we were the only black folks there.  So there I sat and watched...

The first show that I came in on the middle of was some sort of documentary on the preacher/profitess Juanita Bynum. It showcased her rise from a crack/cocaine addicted junkie to airline stewardess to becoming one of the premier speakers/preachers in the black community.  Amazing story.  It wasn't one of those documentaries that was slapped together, it has a nice flow to it. The only thing I wish they would've touched a little more on was why homegirl got plastic surgery and thus rendered herself UNRECOGNIZABLE from her previous self once she began to get more fame and money.  How are you going to speak on empowerment to women (which is, I gathered, the cornerstone of her message) and loving yourself and then  you go and get plastic surgery that makes you look a starlet in the making rather than a preacher? How is that empowering, if you can't even accept the very face God gave you? I don't know, to each their own on that, but I wanted to have that subject fleshed out more. But still....good little piece there, BET.  I'm coming back.

NEXT, there was a talk show that came on called Keep the Faith (I know there is a theme here; after all, it IS Sunday). The host of this show was that Dr. Ian from Celebrity Fit Club. If you missed that, you may have seen him around, he is an articulate, kinda soft spoken black dude.  I think he has made the rounds on Oprah and a few talk shows, too.  Anyways, I think he's cool because he is showcasing another facet of blackmaleness, since so many times we are rarely showcased outside of a few stereotypical roles on t.v. Ironically, the topic of this show was about getting a "black card-why some blacks are forgiven and while others aren't."

I found that interesting because I had just read a book a few months ago relative to this very subject. The premise of this discussion is that famous blacks who subscribe more to "traditional" or accepted notions of blackness (R Kelly, Marion Berry, Jesse Jackson) are more apt to be forgiven for their respective transgressions of alleged child porn, crack-smoking while in office, and infidelity/secret baby making, because they have this so called "black pass" or "black card." Others, who did NOT subscribe to stereotypical blackness (Bryant Gumbel, OJ Simpson, Wayne Brady) did not get this pass because, as I deducted from the panel, they married outside their race! I was hoping they would have the author of that book, Losing the Race, on the panel to add some depth to this conversation. No; instead they had Paul Mooney (a comedian), some girl that does reporting for an entertainment show; and then some other woman who was a lawyer or something. 

Anyways, I almost fell outta my chair.  They could not delve into any reasons deeper than that as to why this rift exists. So the panel was lame. I thought Dr. Ian was going to hold it together, but instead, he lost his cool.  After proclaiming his own admiration for Bryant Gumbel and Wayne Brady, he then angrily shouted, "why aren't they accepted into the black community..... because you don't see them eating CHICKEN??!!!" Again, thank god my chair has good balance, because I almost fell out of it again.  The look that the panel members gave him after he had his hissy fit was price.less.

They prattled on a little longer....then I had to change the channel. Enough was enough.  Good topic. Lame panel. Pissy host. In one fell swoop, BET had lost me as a viewer once again.  It was that easy. I can't even run to TV One since they don't offer it with the cable here in Austin. Oh well.

**I MUST add, though, that I HAVE seen an episode or two of that Keysha Cole reality show. I hope to God that her family is just playing up for the cameras...because that is a hot, percolatin' mess if they aren't..

Cheers and Jeers

 

CHEERS to:

-Texas de Brazil; I went there for the first time this weekend. An endless steak and chicken buffet, tis a beautiful thing.

-This wonderful weather we are having, less heat and humidity, come on fall!

-The girl at work who surprised me with a brownie on my desk when I came back from lunch, she had no idea how much that was a pick me up for the rest of my craptabulous day

-to the MySpace buddy that deleted themselves, therefore sparing me their daily bulletins, "5 more days 'til I leave for Kansas City"..."4 more days until I leave for Omaha"...."3 more hours until I go to Denver", and "woohoo-I am driving to the airport to go Sheboygan in 10 minutes!". Okay, get to wherever you are going...and STAY gone. And those bulletins were as lame as the aforementioned cities.....

-finding out it is $200 CHEAPER to fly to my faraway vacation destination from Austin than it is Dallas..further proof that the big city airports price gouge...

-good company and good food; oh so good together when you can find it. When you do, savor each moment (and bite-ha!), as they are hard to find....

-my bullsheet sensor is in top working condition

-my family..they are SO good to me!

JEERS to:

-That dirty, deep-voiced heffa that GROWLED at me (in the mean, pit-bull way, not the sexy way) at the copy machine the other day.  You are not hot and we ALL know you don't shower after you take your 30 minute powerwalks IN YOUR WORK CLOTHES during lunch and don't even shower or change your clothes afterwards. I bet she doesnt even swipe with a moist towlette or a wet one. Stank 'yyaaaaatch!!!

-My career path! WHY didn't I stick with Architecture. DAMN!

-that stupid grey Honda Oddysey minivan that flashed its lights at me on Parmer this evening when I stopped to let an ambulance pass..I hope I have schooled you well that you are NEVER to do that again if you see my car muahahahahah I bet they didnt know that van could off-road like an SUV... (KIDDING-I didnt run anyone off the road...but almost...)

-me eating too much rich chocolate cake, causing me not to be able to sleep at this late/early hour

-Television. I have not cut it on in 3 days and feel like I have gained 10 IQ points already

-Random people I barely know telling me all their personal problems at the most random times. Please quit or I will be forced to start charging BY THE ISSUE.

-not being able to turn my bullsheet radar off at will...sometimes I don't need to know/sense everything that is jacked up (the gift AND the curse?)

I've been tagged: 10 Things of Randomness about moi..

1. I hate, hate, HATE tomatoes with a passion, yet like ketchup...

2.  I cannot function with clutter around

3. I like pet milk (that sweet, thick kind) in my cereal versus regular milk

4. I cannot swim

5. I am currently bald, for the first time since the Navy days (or WEEKS, more accurately), and am actually LIKING it

6. I have a pretty reliable b.s. sensor that sometimes fails me (as it has recently ahahahahahaha). It may need an adjustment.

7. I know millions of useless, random facts

8. I (now) like to cook

9. I love being outdoors as long as its nice outside (ie 0 humidity)

10. I made half the artwork hanging in my casa

Austin, TX: Pretty city. Ugly newscasters

Yaaay! So three weeks in, I am nearly settled in completely to my new home (a couple more trips to Ikea are in order still I think), job situation is all good (and with a 5 minute commute, I am not mad before I even GET to work)and squared away. I have made a good choice.

With my short time here in the good ol' capitol of Texas, I have noticed many things that I used to think was just cliched stereotypes of Austin. "Everybody's so laid back down there.....a lot of alternative people.....hippies...etc".  I though it was just talk, but no,no,no.  Its all true, and maybe truer to the extent that some people don't even know.  For the most part, people that I have ran into have been disarmingly nice and chatty.  I think every third person here is on some really good weed or mellowed out to the max.  And yes, I have to admit that the Dallas pomp and pretentiousness is pretty absent, and it's refreshing. I went out tonight in a black shirt, BROWN sandals, and a pair of jeans two sizes too big and holes in the knees to boot, and I FIT IN ahahahaahaha.  LOVIN' it.

So I won't go on and on (or will I?). The sparkling clean streets; the rampant environmentalism (what the heck is a watershed???).  The topography of the hills and the lakes and the clear creeks running through town, the absence of a brown pollution cloud.  The same clean streets that are pothole-less.  All the independant non-chain restaurants.  The cheap, GOOD food everywhere. STILL....lovin' it.

What I DON'T get, however, is the BUTT-ugly newscasters! Granted, this is a shallow observation, but another friend who just moved down here too noticed the same thing.  Dumpy, frumpy, pudgy, bad-built, and just not camera pretty at all.  Their hair is not done...their dress is outdated. There just seems to be a little lack of polish in their presentation.  I guess that fits with the overall vibe of the city-come as you are, nobody cares what you look like-just have a good time. Although, their frumpyness (frumpy is the name of makes them less credible as newcasters hahahahaha.  "You're ugly-why should I listen to you praddle on about Iraq?"

Contrast this to the Dallas-area newscasters.  Fox 4 had to have the lock on the good-looking (or at least TRYING to look good) newscasters.  I mean, who had more botox lip injections-Steve Eager or Heather Hayes?  And who could outdress Byron James, with those pimp-a-rific suit and tie combos.  And Clarice Tinsley?? She's been in the game a LONG time, but sistah-girl is trying to keep it fresh. Can't be mad at her for that. Then there was Channel 8, which I believe got rid of two of their best newscasters because they were a little on the heavy side on Good Morning Texas, only to replace them with more attractive (read "thin") morning gabsters. That's my theory anyways (although there is a kernel of truth to that...).

So there you have it. Great city. Frumpy newscasters. Good times.

 

Yaaay! I have a job...now do I WANT it?!

So the adventures in job-hunting...have they ended as quickly as they began? Better yet, am I READY to start working again? This has been one of the longest, funnest (is that even a word?) months ever. I have all the sudden become outdoorsy; having fished, camped, kayaked, and hiked all in the past month.  I like being able to meet people for lunch whenever and wherever because I have no where to be in particular. I like not commuting in rush hour traffic. I have settled in to actually liking the feeling of making my own schedule for the week. Yet, there is a twinge of anxiety..that I have too much time, and I must keep myself productive (ie WORKING) before I get to the point of no return and become a professional lounger. Decisions, decisions!

What to do, what to do. So almost a month to the day of me liberating myself from the bowels of CitiHELL, I was "tendered" a job offer, albeit one a little less favorable than what I was going for within the same company. Nonetheless the company is pretty small for the moment, just setting up shop in Ausin barely even three months ago. If I get in where I fit in now, there is (theoretically)tremendous growth opportunity. And on top of that, its in freakin Austin! I mean, could I ask for anything more?? I would be right where I want to be, just not exactly doing what I want to do, being where I want to be. See the dilema?

At any rate, I had better make this decison with a quickness, as in like TOMORROW quick, as this company would like me to start MONDAY. Perhaps due to a little flub on their part, as the offer letter I received this Tuesday had a date of May 1st on it. No matter......at least I got the (a?) job. But then my mind starts to wander..."but my family and most of my friends are HERE...as of now my life is HERE....comfort in familiarity and routine." THENNNNN..my REAL self comes out..."it's not like when I moved to DENVER, a 12 hour drive away....I will be 3 (actually me and Beamey make it do what it do in a little under 2 1/2 hours)hours away...I LOVE me some new adventures....I have no kids/spouse/ties that prevent me from bouncing around as much as I want or need to...meeting new people is fun (when they aren't crazy)...new watering holes to frequent in good ol' Austin; ahahhahah and MOST importantly-I have found a place HALF A MILE from the new job should I take it." After commutes from hell for the past 6 years, I just cannot get over that...

So back and forth I go. On one hand, just the thrill of packing up my car again like I did when I was 21 and heading to someplace "new" gets me more hyped than drinking a gallon of coffee.  What whacky adventures (or misadventures) await? On the other hand, I will miss my family and friends, etc and the COMFORT that goes along with them. Yet, I always tell myself and others, that sometimes, you gotta get a little uncomfortable to grow and expand yourself as a person.  I am NOT ashamed to say that my comfy down pillow needs to be traded in for styrofoam one to break in LOL. And I am enjoying this time off more than not; and another month of playtime couldnt hurt ahahahah. But alas, It will probably be better in the long run to play on the company's dime (aka paid vacation),and NOT mine. I likes my dimes hahahahaha. AND I will ONLY be 2 1/2 hours away, so its all good anyways.

So right now looks like I may be packing up the car (which I have found to be very small and impractical for these kinds of things) and headed out on ol' 35W due south here in about 36 hours. Unless I wake up in the morning and feel differently heheheeh. Jayzuss.

 

 

Adventures in Job Hunting

First of all, can someone PLEASE get Carlos Mencia to STOP?! We get it-you like to make self depricating jokes about being Hispanic. WHATEVA. Lame.

Anyways, it has been about two weeks since I "liberated" myself from the cotton fields, and I must say, the underground railroad up to Canada is a bumpy one. It has been a few years since I have embarked on such a journey, and never did I remember it being so laughable. So for the first week, I did a lot of playing (althought I did squeeze in one out-of-town interview)-I fished (caught two of 'em!), I went to a Stars game (go Stars!), stayed up and out until the wee hours of the morning, etc. Celebrating liberation. The second week I attempted to step it up a bit. I didn't cut on the television until after 5pm, waking up at 8am each day and attempting to pretend like the job search would be my "full time job" until I found a for real one. So I would spend the time fielding phone calls, as well as making some and of course, spending time online trying to see whats out there. And man o man...what a funny, unproductive week it was!

If I wanted a job in the same field, I surely could've had another job by now. I have recieved about 20 calls and emails wanting me to do the SAME type of work for an extraordinarily LESS amount of pay. The phone rings, with the caller ID showing always some unknown number....

"Is this Gordon?"

"Speaking....how can I help you?"

"My name is Sally/Sammy Recruiter, and I ran across your resume on Monster and we have some excellent positions for you. They start at $11.50/hr and are located in...."

"Stop! Ummm...did you even look at my resume?? $11.50/hr? Get the HELL off my phone, burning up my daytime minutes with your nonsense...!"

Hahahaah at least that's what I want to say. Anyone that calls, I listen, and if what they are saying makes me grit my teeth, I politely thank them for their call, tell them I am not interested, and then answer the next call, which will turn out to be more bullcrap. I actually had one HR gal from one company contact me a few times, trying to sell me on taking a position that started $10,000 less than what I asked for, and then she tried to tell me that it works out because I will be working in Ft Worth instead of Dallas,  and that Fort Worth has lower sales tax and less traffic, therefore using less gas. And this broad was DEAD serious! But last time I checked, I didnt spend $10K on sales tax and gas while working in Dallas. I mean, seriously....again, get the HELL off my phone talking that nonsense and burning up my daytime minutes...ahahaha because T-Moble does.not.play. They won't let ya ride like Sprint does on the overages...

These calls happen(ed) like3-4 times a day. Then there are the random emails from some off-brand companies. The Lionheart Group. Liberty Mutual Financial. Tommy NoName, Inc. They are rife with misspellings(sp? LOL) and vague in their job/company descriptions. They are quickly DELETED.

I have to say though, the absolute cherry on the Aggrivation Sundae was when this one HEFFA called me about a "loan counseling" position. First she asked me how much I wanted to make. I told her, then she said that was no problem, she could meet that. Then she proceeded to give me the job description, and the location of this particular company, which was at 75 and Haskell. There is only ONE mortgage company at this location, which I have worked at. I asked if that was Homecomings, and directed her to my resume, which would clearly show I have worked there some time ago. She assured me it wasnt. I asked her AGAIN after she rattled off the job descriptions and hours, etc (because it all sounded very familiar). Once again, she assured me it wasnt Homecomings, it was GMAC (GMAC OWNS this company, or they USED to..a lot of things goin on over there now...). The phone call quickly ended; as I told her I was not interested. And yes, it was the same company I had worked at before. That heffa was trying to set me up for the okey-doke. And for that, she must hunted down and slapped to unconsciousness.

The beginning of week three is about to start. I will be driving cross country for the first part of the week, (maybe?) coming back by the end of the week. I figure I might as well take a vacation from the full time job of looking for a full time job. I mean I gave myself 3 months max...I wanna pace myself! LOL

 

 

 

 

LIBERATION!!!

The saga is over. The train has left the station.The door is SHUT, the key thrown away. My 30 day notice is dwindling down to the end; in a matter of 5 days my skin is going to clear up, shoulder and neck muscles are going to relax, and the headaches will be gone.

Where am I going? I dont know. As long as I dont have to make the agonizing commute to North Dallas everyday to a building that smells like a mixture of cat piss and gym sweat.  As long as I dont have to go to a whole different FLOOR just to use the bathroom because the one's on my floor are so putrid and vile that stepping into them is the equivalent of stepping into an open sewer in Calcutta in the summertime.  On top of that, if you do happen to take a chance and use those bathrooms, BEWARE of the last stall if it's closed. If you look down and see some distinctive black faux alligator shoes sitting in there, turn tale and leave him be. The shadows don't lie.....must be nice to get that "excited" about work. Ew.

No more listening to one of our senior VP's BUTCHER the English language everytime he speaks. You would think that a man in a position such as his would know that there is a difference in using "specific" versus "pacific". Yes, he uses "pacific" instead of "specific". He also says "quershtun" instead of "question". "Mangers" (like the one sweet baby jesus was put in) instead of "managers". It goes on and on. His emails are even worse; I bet he would put some backwards "R's" and "S's" in his emails if it were possible. I wish I could say he was country, but that would be a lie. The man is straight.up. illiterate.

I guess its going to be a little boring now. EVERYDAY I had a story to share; be it about the nature of the job itself, or many of the people at the job that provided so much entertainment (observational, not intentional). Be it the snaggle-toothed broke-down womanizer we call Sammich-man (inside joke)that stinks to high hell (he has a automatic scent-spray thing on his desk, like the ones they put in bathrooms.....allegedly it used to go off about every 5 minutes), the one gal that looks like a broke-down Wilma Flintstone everytime she wears her leopard-print dress and red hooker heels, the aforementioned VP that talks like Brer Bear or Brer Rabbit, or the stories from the woman's bathroom (which apparently, is more stank than the men's...), they all provided endless fodder. And the corporate cubicle mishaps??? A Dilbert cartoon has NOTHING on this. For being one of the largest corporations in the world, they sure did leave a lot of loose ends laying around. I guess because they were too busy cookin' them books. ahahaahahaha oooo...I better be careful. The last time I mentioned some book-cooking at work, they sabotaged my workload to make it look like I wasn't working. NOT. COOL. But then it was kinda funny and obvious at the same time...

Anywho, I am free from my cubicle jail cell. I am free to do everything I have always wanted to do; or nothing at all. Funny thing is, all these choices makes my head ache and my muscles tense up all over again; but that's ok. I just think of pacific happy thoughts and try not to quershtun the future, and I laugh all over again.

 

Where all da white women at?!

....because apparently, I have been told that is ALL I will date by some know-it all sistahs at the j-o-b.

I want to say congrats to the two chickenheads for providing me with the MOST unintelligent conversation I have had ALL. YEAR. Granted, that is a pretty tall accomplishment, considering what I do for a living, but yes, sweet merciful jesus, it has happened. Capping off 2006 with some straight up ignorance! Awesome.

So as the conversation went, I will only (and according to them, have in the past, even though they do NOT know me from outside work) date white women. Fact of the matter is, I will date any woman of any race, as long as they are good to me (hahaha and meet some notoriously high standards). According to them, I am too proper. I speak like "whitefolk" (Duuuuddde....I totally didnt think so...that's gnarly!). I like to dress nice, because I prefer some good ol' Banana Republic (it NEVER goes outta style) to Sean John. I drive a BMW (didn't they know that stands for Black Man Working? Hell, at least the car is black LOL). I am always doing "white" things like vacationing to London (of course they wouldnt state the fact that I have been to Africa more times than they could imagine) or eating at Chipotle and La Madeline. I like to read. I like using large words from time to time. If giving all that up means that I will have to stop dating white women, than forget it! Bring on the tannest, tallest, blondest Swede fresh off the boat from Stockholm and let's do this!

As amusing (and aggrevating as this was), I kept asking these girls why do they think this, especially when, again, they know nothing about me outside of work. I have never even alluded to the idea that I exclusively date white women (which again, I DON'T). The only answer they could come up with was because of all the aforementioned attributes ("you best stop usin' dem million-dollar wordz, niiiiggga....stay true to yo' self....stay TRUE"). People like me are "bougy" (sp?) because I carry myself a certain way, and don't necessarily subscribe to their way of thinking. One of them even straight-up told me "I wouldn't date you, not because you ugly, but because of yo' upbringin' and yo' bougieness and stuff".  I almost fell.out. Baby girl, I dont want you, EITHER. With your three kids and five possible daddies and your current baby-daddy in the pen in Huntsville and your BUSTED weave and low expectations on life? Oh, trust and believe, we would NEVA be together. Neva EVVA!

Now this is not the first time I have heard this, nor my sisters, or anyone else who is black and doesn't fit into this stereotypical mold of "blackness" that the media, and unfortunately, black americans, encourage. It is very disturbing to me, and if I could wave a magic wand to get rid of this perpetual ignorance, I would. If one speaks with aplomb (ai'ight nukka..dem wordz again!) or carries themself in a certain manner that is contrary to what most would think is appropriately black, then do not worry about it. Because at the end of the day, their SKIN. IS. BLACK. Just like white folks or mexicans or asians or whatever race there is, there is room on this Earth for low class blacks, middle class blacks, and upper-crust blacks. Blacks who like rap; blacks who prefer Chopin. Blacks who like fried chicken; blacks who like mayonnaise sandwiches. Caddilac's vs Beamers; the south side vs uptown. Because, also, at the end of the day-we are PEOPLE. And people like different stuff. It's that simple.

My advice to our people who make a big deal of this is: unless you see one of our brown brethren in the middle of the street trying to bleach the ebony off of themselves,  let it be. People like my sistah-girls at work, they are more of the norm than the exception regarding this issue. Try as you might to educate them, some will get it, most will not. This is a real deep-seated issue that has its roots all the way back to slavery (you know, the house Negro that could read and right, blah blah blah), so no, it will endure for a little while, of course.

Its almost 2007. Black folk, we have been screaming diversity since the 50's and 60's. Now its time to accept diversity within ourselves.

Word to ya mutha (ooooooo....someone PLEASE tell me if that's black enough! I try soooooooo hard!)